Annet Hoeijmans-Boon (Holland)
The mystery of falling “in love” happened to me in the beginning of the nineties when I met a dear soul-companion, mostly called a twin-soul and/or a twin-flame. Before we actually met I heard a lot of different stories about this spiritual teacher and his charisma, which at that time sounded overdone to me. It’s ironic how easily we judge others until we become participants and experience ourselves.
When we first met in person there was an intense experience of bliss and delight. He was giving a lecture and the words he spoke, that took me out of my “separate-self-identity ” were:
Let us gather together and move just a wavelength away from here…
From that point on I experienced and understood all that was said within my heart and soul. A deep inner recognition of Awareness and Knowing, although my rational mind couldn’t repeat or reproduce any of it.
It was a mind-blowing experience and a deep life-changing event.
It felt as if something was unlocked deep inside of me, something that was only to be touched and unlocked by this living soul-radiation.
It awakened a deep and pure feeling of Being and Knowing within me,
of all that “I AM”…. and I fell “in love”.
At the same time, on a personal level, it was very confusing, because I was married for many years to my lovely husband and we had two beautiful children. I was feeling happy in that situation, although not always recognized and understood in my inner Knowing and Awareness.
Also – at that time – many fellow-students left their partners and divorced, for “spiritual reasons” , such as twin soul-reflections. Being a counselor and a communication teacher, I had reasonable doubts about making such an important decision based on emotional conditioned patterns.
During the study-course in Spiritual Therapy which I followed in Holland and in England I deeply understood and learned that “grounded” spirituality meant to bring heaven on earth, being Present in the Present, experiencing and learning from all life-experiences and more and more becoming Aware of the Everpresent Awareness, eroding old conditioned patterns of feeling and perceiving.
This experience however felt like an earthquake. It triggered all kinds of emotions and questions in me about the Cosmic Law of Love and Attraction. What was happening to me? Why now? How does this feeling of attraction and falling “in love” work on the inner levels?
What was the intent? What was it mirroring? How did this “fall” happen?
Where did this deep feeling of homesickness come from?
Now, looking at this lifechanging event in retrospect, I understand this lesson in Love.
From the perspective of my unconditional loving soul-heart, the Christ within, I was able to see, feel and recognize him as he IS.
I experienced the beauty and love, present there and became aware and conscious of Awareness.
From this space in my heart, I entered into an equal and balanced connection in which I acknowledged the Divine in each other.
At the same time, on a parralel level, I did not lose sight of the human conditions and living situations of both of us.
In a natural way I took for granted that this was the same for him.
However, I painfully experienced that an openhearted and respectful conversation about this event was not possible at that time for all sorts of reasons. Because of that lack of openness in sharing and caring another archetypal energy started to work deeply within my belly:
A strong force of attraction based on “need”.
I saw memories of us working together to heal the world…. (in another lifetime). My expectation was that we were going to work together in the same way this lifetime. However, through pain and sorrow
it became clear to me that we had a soul deal to meet each other, but not to live as physical partners in this life-time.
That was not resonating with the choices for transformation and transmutation that were present in this lifetime.
We deeply respected and recognized each other, but also we chose to grow into an independant soul-identity.
And that choice we had to experience separated, each alone in our own way.
I discovered a collective deep emotional state of lack, of not-belonging, feeling separated and excluded.
A conditioned collective energypattern based on old beliefs, on obedience to others, obedience to the outer world, based on betrayal of our own deepest truth…
In this soul-school of teaching through life-experiences, I learned to recognize this energy-pattern as the archetype of the “neglected inner child”, carrying a deep soul suffering from earlier times.
It brought all sorts of emotions to the surface that from time to time obscured my heart, feeling frustrated and misunderstood.
During this process of inner healing a rebalancing and transformation of romantic love into unconditional love took place on a soul-level.
More and more I recognized that this wake-up call challenged and invited me to surrender and give way to all that I AM….
I discovered that I had a conscious choice how to deal and relate to this event and experience, listening to the intuitieve soul as my compass.
So I invested energy and attention, in many different ways, to walk the pathway of intuition, integrating spirit, soul and bodymind, allowing Presence and Awareness to flow in and flow through.
“Falling in Love” in this way invoked returning and surrendering to all that I AM.
Becoming consciously aware of the Everpresent Awareness.
A joyful and creative living!
I AM grateful.